What is burnout?
Most people think autistic burnout is caused by having too much to do, or too much stress.
And while those things are important—I don’t want to diminish them in any way—they are only surface level symptoms of a much deeper situation.
Through my own recovery Journey, and supporting others through theirs, it is clear to me that autistic burnout fundamentally starts with the mental strain of having been taught things that cause us pain, that deep down we know are not true, and trying to live in that tension.
The thing is, when we’ve been trained into a false belief (by society’s expectations, or family who carry their own trauma, or a bad situation, or whatever), shame develops, and once it’s there, it’s really, really hard to break.
Beliefs like, there is something wrong with you, or how you think, or your high values. That you can’t survive in capitalism. That it’s not okay to need the things you do or live the way that feels right to you. That when people invite you to events, they’re just following social protocols and no one actually wants to be around you.
(BTW, is your brain right now screaming, “But of course those are true, they’re not false beliefs”? I get that. I was absolutely convinced of every one of these for a really long time. And I am now living the proof that the exact opposite is just as true or more true.)
When you start to see what’s really going on behind these beliefs, that the shame you’ve been carrying isn’t because there is anything wrong with you, or because you don’t fit standard expectations, that shame starts to dissolve. The cognitive dissonance starts to resolve. And new options start to feel doable.
When you start to see what’s really going on behind these beliefs, that shame starts to dissolve.
And I really, truly believe that that’s the key to getting out of burnout.
The common misconception is that burnout is just about having too much stress, too many things on your plate, too much going on in your life. And I’m sure that’s part of it. But where does having too much to do come from?
Is it from not being able to say no when you’re at capacity? From trying to meet others’ expectations? From trying to maintain a lifestyle that causes financial pressure? Because you think you have to in order to feel some faint echo of acceptance?
Is the stress from trying to meet conflicting, incompatible expectations? From not living the way you know is right for you? From talking yourself into normalizing sensory inputs that hurt you? Because others have given you the message that you’re too much?
When you live with that cognitive dissonance out in the world for long enough, it drains your reserves until you’re no longer able to cope with it anymore.
Hence, burnout.
But when you poke holes in those shame stories, and see what’s really going on, the cognitive dissonance resolves, the tension of those false beliefs dissolves, and many things become possible.
The brain fog begins to clear. Your creativity comes back and begins problem solving the very practical issues of day-to-day life.
And new options feel possible that weren’t before.
It takes a while to implement the changes you want to make, and to try things out, and tweak them, and try again. I’m not going to pretend it’s all easy peasy. It’s not. But it is possible.
And it’s more possible with support and guidance on how to do it, from someone who really gets it.
This is what my autistic burnout recovery course is all about. It’s the how. Broken down into manageable steps. With support and guidance for six full months, so there’s no pressure to rush (as if you could, ha ha).
If this resonates for you, and you think this might just be what you’ve been looking for:
Get all the juicy details here
(It’s a long read, but worth it.)
Or, if you’re ready to join us,
Starts September 7.
