Four Mental Health Myths That Are Unhealthy

A couple caveats

I’d like to make a few comments about mental health. It’s not something that I get into a whole lot directly, although it’s something that I have personally dealt with for decades, and almost all of my clients have dealt with, so it comes up a lot. But I’ve felt hesitant to directly address it publicly because I’m not a psychiatrist or psychologist. Although I’ve studied and read extensively on those topics personally, I don’t have a degree or formal training.

My intent is to not overstep, not inadvertently do harm, or spread misinformation accidentally, or to come across as an expert in areas that I’m not an expert in. But I also think that when we build up issues around certain topics, or put them on pedestals that only certain people with certain types of authority can talk about, or when we make them taboo to talk about at all, it often does more harm than the good that we’re trying to do. 

(And not all supposed experts are really all that expert either anyway.) 

And lived experience counts for more than official standards of authority often give it credit for.

So with these caveats, that I’m coming from my own lived experience, and what I’ve seen in working with hundreds of Autistic adults and teenagers, and watching several friends go through decades of struggle with mental health, and yes, research and reading about the topics from both a psychological as well as historical perspective: 

Here are four reflections, four observations that I’ve seen play out pretty consistently over the years. 

It’s my contention that these four myths that our society has created around mental health, and that I don’t think are true. You may disagree with me, and I’d be curious to read your thoughts in the comments. This is what I think, as of now.

So, Western society has a complicated history with mental health. Many people have been demonized, cast aside, and worse, when they didn’t meet artificial, unrealistic, standards for mental health.

These grim consequences created a fear of coming across as “crazy,” as well as a number of myths about what that looks like, and what normative mental health supposedly looks like. I’d like to question four of those myths here.

Why these myths have persisted

As damaging as these four myths are, society does reap some benefits from them. By keeping these fears circulating in society, many people will police themselves, hiding their needs, so as not to get labeled as unstable or mentally ill or crazy. Which means that they are less likely to seek help when they do need it, and then society doesn’t have to expend the resources to help.

And when more dramatic consequences do happen, there’s plausible deniability. People in power can say that it’s the person’s fault for not asking for help, that they would’ve helped if they just reached out.

It also allows some people to believe that they are better than others, by implying it is “those people’s fault” for having “problems.” This shifts the burden of blame to those who have been most hurt, and allows society to devalue and ignore the people who aren’t “good enough,” and hence have an excuse to maintain the status quo rather than making changes to actually help people. 

Why these myths need to end

The serious downside to having these myths in place is that most of us will experience at least one of these at some point in our lives. But when we see these as signs of a shameful deficiency, it causes many people to question their own mental health, sanity, and worth.

And if we take that on as our personal shortcoming, it’s easy to blame ourselves, and not reach out for help as often as we need to, or as early as we need to. Which can make innocuous traits or normal phases of life into causes for worry, anxiety, or a downward spiral of genuine mental health.

Even looking at this from a purely productivity-oriented mindset, where your worth is only measured in how much you can produce, this creates a huge opportunity cost for society. With a comparatively small investment in reducing the shame associated with mental health, and providing resources to people when they need it, society could have the benefit of many more fully functional and productive people contributing to society for much longer. 

Okay, without waxing further on those implications, here are four myths that I can see at the moment. There are undoubtedly others. 

Myth one: talking to yourself is a sign of being “crazy.”

Many people think through things and process their experiences better verbally, by talking to themselves or others. Anything from talking themselves through everyday tasks, to processing major life experiences. I call these people external processors (and internal processors are people who think through it all in their own minds before taking action, or presenting their fully formed conclusions to others).

However, when this common processing style is pegged as a sign of being “crazy,” it’s common for people to hold themselves back from talking aloud, or, when they do, apologize for it continuously, as if it’s something wrong or shameful. 

Constantly self-censoring, or apologizing for seeming “weird,” takes a lot of mental effort, and deprives these people of being able to think through things optimally. This reduces their ability to function, work, and relate to others as well as they could, because they’re not able to use their natural processing style freely, and that creates a lot of internal stress throughout the day, and throughout their lives.

Myth two: suicidal thoughts are wrong, bad, or a sign that you are unwell. 

From my admittedly anecdotal experiences of years of coaching people with and without trauma histories, and my own experience with this topic, I suspect the experience of questioning whether your own life is worth continuing is not as uncommon as the myth that “normative” mental health would have us believe.

In fact, I suspect it is incredibly common.

Why should it be bad or wrong or a sign of illness for anyone to question, at some point in their lives, whether it’s worth continuing to deal with whatever crap life has dealt them?

If you deeply question your own life, rather than simply accept the story that’s been given to you that you’re supposed to continue living for as long as absolutely possible no matter what, and if you come up with a reason to continue living that’s entirely your own, it gives you a form of power. Not power over others, like control or manipulation, but the power to affect change, to have a reason to go on, to want to deal with the crap that is in front of you, and hopefully change those circumstances for the better.

Everyone will face some kind of crap in their life. Even people living in the lap of luxury, with tons of money to throw at every problem, who can pay people who can take care of the practicalities of life for them, will still have other kinds of crap to deal with, like loneliness or betrayal or fear.

There’s always going to be something.

But when you have seriously questioned, for yourself, whether you are willing to deal with your particular crap, and why, you will eventually come to an answer. I don’t know what your answer has been, or will be. There are many answers, and many reasons, though a few common ones include love, worth, purpose, beauty, the ability to overcome challenges, or a desire to make things better for yourself or others.

This isn’t unhealthy; it’s normal. And if your answer, and reason, lead to you continuing to live, you will have created purpose in your life, and that is something mental health professionals agree is deeply healthy.

(And if healthy questioning turns into ideation or planning, please seek help from a trusted professional. There’s no shame in this either. And again, talking about it can get you that help, whereas hiding it, out of fear or shame or whatever else, is more likely to lead to following through than talking about it is.)

Myth three: mental health doesn’t matter as much as physical health does. 

This myth is presented in a variety of forms, often in variations of “it’s a luxury,” or “I’ve managed this long, it doesn’t really matter,” or “it costs too much,” or “everything sucks, but it’s fine. It’s fine really, I can deal with it, it’s not that bad.”

A lot of times it looks like shaming people who seek counseling, therapy, coaching, or any kind of help for things that aren’t physical ailments. 

Health insurance is often willing to spend extreme amounts of money on doctors, pharmaceuticals, and physical tests, all of which are needed, and just as much value comes from one’s mental health.

Myth four: mental health is a permanent state of being.

When we think about mental health as black and white—either you’re fine or you’re crazy—we stigmatize getting help and make it harder for people to access. And the longer they go without access, the more damage it does to their overall mental and physical health. 

Many mental crises are temporary, or could be temporary, happening in response to particular events, or the buildup of life stressors, or to a period in which you acutely realize that you need to deal with things that have happened to you in the past.

With help, we can process, heal, and integrate what we need to, find solutions, then shift to a new healthy mental state. 

But when people are afraid that any sign of mental illness means they’re going to be mentally unwell forever, it leads to hiding their needs, labeling and shaming others or themselves, and not getting the care that’s needed to get through a difficult time, or prolonging the effects.

This is especially problematic when things that aren’t actually a sign of mental illness are interpreted as if they were, like talking to yourself. Nattering to yourself throughout the day, or going through a hard period and healthily questioning if one wants to keep participating in life, are entirely normal, not signs of illness.

On the other hand, devaluing our mental health needs, or seeing them as fixed and unalterable, can be damaging.

Okay, these are four mental health myths that I think are unhealthy, and that cause damage to both individual people and society, and then society loses out on the gifts these people have to offer.

Here’s one more, sort of. In our society, we get a lot of messages that once you figure out something important in your life, you need to go and put it into practice immediately. But that’s skipping a critical step. Adding this back in leads to much better results. If you want more on that idea, here’s a post that I made about how you don’t actually need to be farther along than you are, no matter what people say to you. 

Okay, I wish you a neurowonderful day and a healthy mental life… that was totally corny. I hope that this has provided some food for thought. I wish you a neurowonderful day.